I wasn't always comfortable with my sexual orientation. Rather, I have faced depression because of it. I didn't always have this 'my sexuality is just another part of me' attitude. Rather, I was obsessed with how to deny it. There was a time when I would search orkut for gay communities and it would just throw up some sleazy communities. The whole world might have been celebrating gay pride, with India giving a nascent, iridescent rainbow glow. How could I have known?
My original plan was to forget about my homosexuality and finally, to come out at 30! Bad idea it was, eh?! I'm 20, already out to a few close friends, planning to be generally out among friends and acquaintances in about 1 year and planning to be out to family as soon as possible! And despite the risks and problems, I couldn't have been happier!
Owing to the overthinker that I am, in retrospect I have gone over my life, over and over again...to find out what changed it to such a great extent. Why was my 2nd year in college different from the 18 years that came before it?
And, the answer is one resounding sh(out)...coming out!!!
Though, I agree that one should not come out in a rash, unthinking manner; rather it should be a careful, calculated decision. Coming out is very circumstantial and it may take days, months and years before you can actually reveal your orientation to friends and family. But what matters is the 'will to come out'. It triggered an irreversible process in me that basically made me land up at Delhi Pride Parade 2009 :D
So, once a person makes that decision, it is important that we, as a community, should have support to offer. And in recent times, both virtual arena and real life have been overflowing with support groups and interactive spaces.
Somehow, I see a gap. Once you are done with your student life, there are many, many things to explore. But, the most important beginnings of a confident and out gay person are made when we are still teenagers, school and college going students. I am aware that many existing LGBT spaces like
Nigah, branch off into colleges and student spaces as well. However, my idea here is a little different.
I want to sh(out) where no one speaks a word. I would like to see a students' LGBT group being evolved from the grassroots. No, doubt...it is difficult to get things organised in this respect. Even the concept and idea of organisation for a such a group is bound to change over time. So, my first task is to stand under the gay sun, open my rainbow umbrella and present an idea. Of course, it'll be an informal, fun group to start with..but lets start with it!
Anuradha (member, QueerCampus)
